why do they call them wisdom teeth?
Sitting here with chubby cheeks unable to eat what I want, sing, or talk much I think maybe I'll type a little bit. Rotating another ice pack seems pointless so heat and feelings it is!
Today my song called Counterfeit Claims came out and I'm excited to share that collaboration with my talented visionary producer friend, Typewriter. I had a conversation with him this week about life, love, and being a musician and the way music heals you and helps you grow. He said sometimes you just need to live and be allowed time to heal don't put out emotion you don't have to give-relax and just be.
I've realized as artists, we love so deeply and so often that we get lost in that love and it ends up hurting more because we have the ability to love so intensely. We trust and are so busy in our craft that we often ignore some around us and choose not to see the truth because we are working hard on where we are trying to end up. I don't think this makes me an impossible partner, but it made me realize I need someone who knows who they are and is strong enough and works hard enough to allow time for us as well as time to grow. You can't stay together if your partner needs to know your location and your every move. You can't trust someone if you don't give them space to be trusted. I had the space to be trusted, however; I found that people are not who they always want to be. I also realized material gifts don't mean much if they are just a nice gesture to make yourself feel better about living a lie. It doesn't ever forgive anything or make it all better no matter how much you spend or what it is. Honesty, true reflection, and genuine care are serious top qualities.
I have always know my worth. I have always had big dreams and goals. It's unfortunate that I wasn't valued at that, but instead lied to and cheated of time. I gave so much of my time to a person I never really knew. It seems a blur and all a lie and no matter what I block out, the whole year is fuzzy. I have so many memories that were great that are now just like a sitcom of some sort that I just happened to have a role in . The worst feeling is remembering sweet gestures that now are tarnished because they were just fake attempts to be a person they never were. Any tears I have are for the time I lost and the love I gave to someone who truly lived a lie the entire time. I feel used and I feel drained of giving energy to someone that didn't deserve me to even fit them into my life. I guess it's all part of growing and I'm not sure what will come of my writing in 2020. I've done my share of sad songs. I'm looking forward to healing my heart and hoping to find some genuine connections with people that care for others. I'm definitely observing character in people more. If you accuse me of anything or question me at all you are not my kind of people. I always live my truth. I know I'll never be perfect, I also don't want to be. One thing I'll never stop is working on myself. I will also be ok watching movies with someone I love because that time isn't always a given and time is more valuable than many things people put dollar signs on or feel good in the moment of weakness. I am finishing up my senior year and looking forward to things coming up. I really want to dance(not professionally, but like in the car driving with some friends, sing with my hair blowing out the window, and get lost in the store shopping)!!! I want to just have some fun and paint, read, and cut some clothes....maybe light some stuff on fire hhhahahaaa...just kidding...! (unless its a music video)
That leads me to an awesome collaboration with a company out of New York! That song and video will be released Christmas Day called GENERATION 3000. I am so excited for this dance team to bring a video to life and look forward to the video and emotion to come to life. We also included a few classrooms on a song coming out in March of 2020 called Stranger. I am looking forward to all the new music I have done and not put out yet and I look forward to meeting new people. Moving forward I hope I can be a magnet for people that want to do good in the world! Always, Liv V :)