Updated: Feb 3, 2018
Whenever you start something, you are learning as you go and finding who you are exactly. I find that I learn more and more about myself by just going through life meeting people and listening. I find out what I like and don't like and who I'd like to become from it all. No one is really born with all the tools to accomplish what they need to instantly. Learning by observation is really something to take some more time to do. We don't listen enough and I see that my generation finds we have much more to say than many who have been here for years who have so much to offer.
I often find myself listening to my grandparents and great grandparents stories. I am a lucky enough girl to say that I have had that joy of hearing their lives and all the work and hardships they have endured. I have seen the humble and the strict, the compassion and commitment, the perseverance and the heart to find my place in it all. I have learned the dedication and discipline it takes if you believe in yourself.
One thing I struggle with is honestly opening up to people. This is probably the most open I have been in awhile unless it's in song. I am glad I have that to be able to sing the emotion I am feeling inside at that moment. Singing is like writing in a journal and is very healing for me. I find that a song can't make you feel bad about yourself or judged for who you are. I think many are constantly wondering if others see their flaws and finding the confidence to bear them and then be ok with what they will say about them. I find that so often no matter who I truly am I don't think many will like me because they judge me for what I am doing and I guess by social media.
To be honest, all that have opinions don't really know me and at the end of the day I like who I am and go to sleep knowing that I will stay true to me. I can't befriend someone who is shady or only sees the bad in people. I cannot be around negativity for too long. I have found that people who only see the bad in others are typically wishing to change something about themselves. Maybe they weren't taught forgiveness or understanding. Maybe they didn't grow up with siblings to understand the world isn't all about them. Maybe no one ever told them "no". Maybe they have lost a parent and don't even know what having a mother or father is like.
I'd like to go through life and try to see the best in others. I cannot deny my inner gut instinct of the unsettling feeling that comes when you realize someone is using you or has made a conclusion of the person you are before having a conversation. I know that there will be personalities that just don't do well together, but I don't think that is means to hate. I have found I just have to exclude people from my life that cannot unconditionally love me. It does become lonely sometimes, but I think its better than trying to be someone you think they want you to be. I hope at the end of the day I work hard enough on the person I want to become and that people will see that and not want to change me. I hope in the music world I will be allowed to be myself and that it will be good enough. Maybe, at the end of the day, people will appreciate my songs and where they come from. To be loved by all isn't possible, but to love yourself is.
Little fish BIG DREAMS